A Real Scary Story

this picture has next to nothing to do with the rest of this post except that I love these girls oh so much, and that this was taken at Swing Dance Club's Halloween party last year. Our costumes (from left to right): E- Minnie Mouse, Me- Good Sandy, H-Great Gatsby Girl, D- Bad Sandy. 

Happy Halloween! Today marks the beginning of my absolute favorite time of the year-- from Halloween to New Years Eve-- there are so many celebrations and so many things to be grateful for, but I've decided to share with you today something that is decidedly less celebratory.

On a Monday night around 9 pm, I was walking home from main campus, it's not even a quarter mile walk. I have evening classes twice a week, so I do it often. I was only about hundred yards from my academic building at the edge of campus when three boys started following me. They were white and dreadlocked, tall and skinny, wearing tie-dye and senselessly laughing at something that was said while they were still out of my earshot. I didn't feel threatened until  I crossed the street and the boys followed. In the middle of the intersection, one boy asks, "hey girl, ever been kidnapped?" I wasn't sure if the raspy quality to his voice is a ploy meant to be menacing or if he just got done smoking a cheap cigarette. His friends laughed and I laughed because I thought, certainly I did not hear this boy right. I was wrong. "Why are you laughing? Ever been kidnapped?" He asked again.

I didn't know what to say, how to respond. "no-no thanks." I stuttered. "you're welcome," one responded, they were in stitches at this point. I knew that it was necessary to put distance between myself and this group, "wait, you don't need to walk faster," they said in response to my pace, moving faster in order . I ignored them and walks even faster still. They laughed and jeered, crossing the street again. I slowed my pace and looked around. There was, conveniently, no witnesses to what had just happened. The closest person, besides the three amigos, was outside the restaurant at the end of the block, talking on his cell phone.

I called my boyfriend and made him stay on the phone with me until I was home with the front door locked. What scared me most about the encounter was I was unsure how to react-- were they just joking? If so, I should have told them off. But there was a sinister quality to their words and actions. I was vastly outnumber, and couldn't be sure of their intentions. So I fled.

I ranted on Facebook, angry at how some idiots' idea of a joke can threaten my safety on my walk home from school. Many people responded, everyone shocked and sympathetic, stating that they were grateful for my safety. Some pointed to the systemic issues surrounding male privilege-- boys making a cruel joke about something that every female worries about, but that men rarely have to think about, when walking anywhere after sundown, is a quintessential example of the societal advantage they have simply by having a Y chromosome. Others suggested I get mace or pepper spray, or learn self defense moves. Others still expressed their worry of my walking home alone at night.

For me, often walking home alone is unavoidable. I have classes that run until 8 or 9 at night and meetings that sometimes run even later. Usually, I try and make a phone call so I'm "with" someone on my walk home. Monday night I didn't. I already know some self defense moves but I worry that my aim with mace or pepper spray would be off the first time I try to use it. With 3 to 1 odds, it likely wouldn't benefit me much anyway.

We all know, the research shows, that violence against women is a systemic issue, but I would argue that the type of aggressive humor I experienced is just as damaging to the cause for equality. Especially because girls don't know how to react to it. If it wasn't just a joke and I stood up to them, what would happen to me?

I'm sharing this because I do think there are things to be scared of in this world... walking home shouldn't be one of them. The only time someone should be stalked like that is if they're going down a haunted trail (Boonies, check out Haunted Horn).

I encourage any girl who has a similar experience to call and report it to the police. Something like that, even when said in jest, should be taken seriously. On a personal note, I think I'm going to learn a few more self-defense moves and call my mom or best friend on my walk home from class.

Have a happy and safe Halloween, folks!

x M