Mattman Says 08// He Might Still be a Puppy

Matthew: He might still be a puppy, but he looks like a man-dog and has a deep, low woof. 

Mattman Says// 07 AND Bucket Fillers: Operation Sketchbook

We've known for almost nine months what we'd be getting Matthew for graduation, but just to cover our tracks, my parents asked him. When asked, Matthew said thoughtfully, "hmm, I think I'd like a sketchbook."

So this whole secret plan (which in fact was not so secret. everyone but Matthew knew.) became known as Operation Sketchbook.

Matthew's new sketchbook, his graduation present, is gonna be one of these wiggly little guys:

Matthew loves dogs. He loves dogs. Loves. He remembers every dog he's ever met, he researches breed characteristics in his free time, and often retells funny stories about our friend's mutts. But Sam and I are allergic to dogs and so it seemed like a dog would never be a possibility for my family (but after meeting Lucy our thoughts began to change!). Matthew was in disbelief when he was told one of these puppies was going to come home with us (in about three weeks).

Isn't he just the sweetest? I love my clan and I can't wait for our new, furry family addition! Also, I'm so relieved that the cat's finally out of the bag (dog? haha.) because the suspense was killing me! I'm not very good with surprises and notoriously give christmas/birthday presents early precisely because I hate to wait. 

Three weeks from now, we'll be dog owners! Any puppy-related advice or name suggestions? Let me know! 

-Madelyn 

Mattman Says// 06: Graduation Edition

A conversation several days ago:

Me: Matthew, are you excited to graduate?!?!
Matthew: *pauses, considering.* A little. Hopefully all goes well.

Well, all went well. Matthew has officially graduated from high school! More to come on what we decided to give him as a graduation present... I can't wait to share it with you!

-Madelyn

Mattman Says// 05: Great times, Gray Areas

Earlier this month, while I was home for a university break, I brought Sam lunch. We were walking down the hallway with his class when I noticed an art project some students had done in the shape of a giant puzzle piece on the wall. Underneath it read, "Autism Awareness Month!" While I was admiring it, Sam looked at his friend standing beside him and said, "I have an autistic brother."

I winced, then, gently, explained the difference between, having "an autistic brother" and having "a brother with Autism," how we don't define anybody by one quality, etc. The subtlety was a little lost on their third grade sensibilities.

I want these Mattman Says posts to be funny and light, but I have to admit: sometimes I get scared thinking about the weight of the Autism label and how it can be a yoke around someone's-- Matthew's-- neck. I don't want anyone to look at Matthew and only see his Autism. He is so much more than that. His brain works in wonderful, delightful ways. He has a heart of gold. I hope these posts showcase some of the genuineness of his spirit.

We went to prom. Technically, I guess (according to his teachers), we were volunteering to help with prom committee and I was a chaperone. I think his teachers just really wanted him to have this quintessentially high school experience.

And he danced.

He catdaddy-ed, cha cha slide-ed, and wobble-ed. I was amazed.

He introduced me to the friends he sat with at lunch (they were great) and to his teacher, who all proclaimed, "we just love him."

Me too, I replied.

It was his first time wearing a tie. He did not like it. We teased him about it just as this picture was taken, his response cracked me up which is why I'm doubled over laughing in this picture:

My mom, standing behind the camera: "What should I make you say to make you smile? 

Should I make you say "I love this tie!" before I take the picture?" 

Matthew: "Umm, could you please pick another phrase? That one will not make me smile." 

*click*

If you had asked me two weeks ago if Matthew would've wanted to go to prom, I would've said probably not. If you would've told me that not only would he choose to go to prom, but that he would have a great time, I probably would've laughed at you. 

I am (fiercely) protective of all my little brothers, and the idea of Matthew going to prom made me nervous-- what if someone made fun of him, or no one talked to him? What if he was alone the whole time? I volunteered to go because I was so worried about these things. Once I volunteered, I worried that someone would make fun of him for my being there: who goes to prom with their sister? I forgot that it's not that Matthew has thick skin, so these things don't bother him: it's that these things are totally not on his radar and therefore they don't bother him. I love that about him sometimes. 

The fact that I am single has been gnawing at him. He inquires about my ex-boyfriend, several times, every time I come home: "have you seen him? have you talked?" he asks. Every time I say, "no, buddy, I doubt we will soon." 

Finally, when he asked again this morning, I decided to explain the whole story-- why we broke up-- because he was so concerned. I thought maybe explaining everything would give him context and help him understand.   

His reply broke my heart: "I had no idea he was a bad person!" he exclaimed, clearly befuddled by his misjudgment of character. He sees things as black and white; rarely do shades of gray occur to him, and when they do he sometimes has trouble understanding them. He's innocent: it's a quality that I both love about him and scares me half to death. The idea that a good person would knowingly do something wrong, or vice versa, confuse him. 

We discussed how people are rarely only good or only bad; usually, they are a mixture of both. He nodded, very seriously, and said, "I'm sorry Madelyn, I need to think about this." I had to leave to go back to school before we could speak about it again, but I'm sure the next time I'm home we'll discuss it again. I hope, one day, that he can see and understand the gray areas. 

Thanks for reading. 

Love, 

Madelyn 

Mattman Says// 4: Autism Awesome.

He does this thing sometimes, where he brings his hand to his chest, looks down at the ground and laughs to himself. I'll ask him what he's laughing about and sometimes he'll tell me a story about a show he's watched or a dog he knows (usually my boyfriend's dog, Tsali). Other times he'll say, "Oh, nothing." or "I prefer not to answer." In those moments, I marvel at what goes on in his brain.

The other day, he and I watched Frozen together. *if you haven't seen it and don't want to read any spoilers, skip this paragraph!* During the cutesy "Love is an Open Door" montage he looked at me and said, "Well, Madelyn, isn't it nice she has found somebody to spend the rest of her life with? Now she will not be lonely." I- not wanting to spoil the entire movie- just agreed. Later, during the scene where Kristoff shouts, "I don't trust your judgement! Who marries someone they just met?!" He looked at me again, seriously concerned now, and said, "That is a good point, would you agree Madelyn? It may not be wise to marry someone after only knowing them for a day." I agreed. He struggled with this for the entire movie, frequently asking my opinion on Ana's engagement. Finally, I just told him he'd have to wait and see. His conclusion when the credits began to roll was: "yes, it is not wise to marry someone you just met- you never know when they might be evil!" 

He's right. 

Yesterday, he and I talked on the phone. He told me he was was designing a t-shirt for World Autism Awareness Day. "What does it look like?" I asked. 

The fact that we could even have this conversation is amazing. A few years ago, he struggled with phone skills and could barely deviate from a scripted, "Hello, how you? May I please speak to..." conversation. Now, we can chat. It's brilliant. 

In case you haven't heard, today is World Autism Awareness Day and the CDC released some new data last week that indicates 1 in 68 children have an Autism Spectrum diagnosis. 

We are far from the days where people with disabilities were excluded from our schools and communities, banished to asylums which were no better than prisons. We are less removed from the days where mothers were blamed for their child's "refrigerator mother syndrome."  As the population of people diagnosed with ASD rises, so does the need for education. Not of people with Autism (though that's important too) but of people without Autism about people with Autism. Autism Spectrum Disorder is, well, a huge spectrum. Everyone on the spectrum is different. There are some pervasive stereotypes, like Autism being coupled with Savant syndrome, that may hold true for a select few but certainly are not true of every person with Autism. If you're curious, this article breaks down the CDC report into digestible chunks, this lady's blog gives some insight into the everyday, and I wrote a little about about person first language here. Education leads to genuine acceptance and meaningful inclusion. Which is, you know, pretty darn cool. 

Oh, and if you're wondering about that t-shirt design, it has a pentagon shape in the middle of the t-shirt and in the pentagon it says: "Autism Awesome." 

-Madelyn 

Mattman Says// 3

A series curating some of the hilarious, sweet, and insightful things my brother, Matthew, says. 

Tail Wagin': 
*Upon seeing my car in the driveway this past weekend*
Matthew: Oh! If I was a dog my tail would be wagging right now! 
Mom: ...what? Why?
Matthew: Because Madelyn is home! 

Mattman Says// 2

A series curating some of the hilarious, sweet, and insightful things my brother, Matthew, says. 

Where's the ring? 

Matthew: Hmm, lots of people we know are getting engaged lately, our cousins and friends....Noah? When are you going to ask Madelyn to marry you? 

*Everyone at the table busts out laughing*

Noah: *coughs* Umm, well... we're still pretty young.... 

Matthew: I don't understand, why are you laughing? It was a serious question! 

Mattman says// 1

A series curating some of the hilarious, sweet, and insightful things my brother, Matthew, says. 

I Remember When..

Me: Remember when you used to buzz people away?

Matthew: I do not remember that.

Me: Oh, well, I guess you were pretty young, but whenever people got on your nerves you'd just say 'Bye, bye, such-and-such, Bzzzap' and then you'd just complete ignore them. Even your teachers.

Matthew: That couldn't possibly have been me.

Me: Why not?

Matthew: I would never disrespect an adult.

Adam

Matthew: I am sorry about your friend, Madelyn.

Me: It's okay, buddy

.Matthew: I am sorry for you, but I am happy for him.

Me: What?

Matthew: That's what he wanted, isn't it? To be with God? I am h

appy he got to be with God.

Villaness or Heroine?

Matthew: Sissy, if you had the choice, would you rather be a villaness or a heroine?

Me: Villaness

.Matthew: WHAT?!?

Me: You heard me. I want to rob banks.

Matthew: You're being sarcastic, aren't you?

Me: What makes you think that?

Matthew: but...but...if you were really a villaness...I'd have to catch you and put you in prison!

Me: Then I'd just break out.

Matthew: No you wouldn't. I wouldn't let you out until you were rehabilitated!

But I'm taller than You!

Matthew: Hey, little sister.

Me: Little?

Matthew: Yeah, I'm taller than you now!

Me: Still older. Always will be.

Matthew: Still taller. Always will be.

Does that mean I'm famous?

Mom: ...and they had this really cool list about people with disabilities...George Washington was on it, and Bob Dylan....Al Gore...all of them have autism.

Matthew: What's autism?

*major awkward silence*

Mom: Matthew...you have autism, did you know that?

Matthew: No, does it make me famous like George Washington or something?

Ever since...

Mom: Well, you used to not be able speak, you didn't like loud or busy places...you used to run away. That's just part of having autism.  

Matthew: I used to run away? I was a brat! Ever since I've matured I've abandoned my autistic behavior. 

x M